; – Parenting with Mental Illness

Semicolon as a title strange I know but there is a very important message in something so small and simple.

The picture above is my tattoo with my daughter’s nickname and the semicolon. See I am deeply afraid of needles, and my daughter is suicidal as well as myself. When I got this tattoo she was struggling at 14 with her suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I wanted to show her how important she was to me but did not know-how. One day surfing Instagram I saw a post about suicide prevention. They had the semicolon with the phrase ”the author could have ended the sentence there but decided to continue by using the semicolon” don’t quote me but it was something of that nature. When I saw that I was like yes I will get this for my daughter and she will understand how important it is for us to continue her sentence or story.

When I get home I was so excited to share this with her but mind you she was in a bad dark place mentally so she brushes off my statement. This crushed me but did not stop me from making my appointment. The day comes and my anxiety is getting the best of me.

I’m now sitting in the state chair trying to breathe so that I won’t freak out. This is too important for me to back out now. Right before we start I text my firstborn my Beba and tell her ”mommy loves you very much” she responds with ” love you too”. I tell the guy I’m ready now or never he laughs and begins with the letter B. I’m trying not to move but still breathe. The whole time I’m thinking my baby better realize how much I love her now since I am practically ready to pass out. I survived thank God lol.

Once we are finished I take a picture and send it to my daughter with the words ”this is for you my beautiful princess”. Her response ”omg, mom you really did it for me”. I respond with ” of course I will do anything for you.”

When I arrive home she wants to see it and I show her she then gives me a big hug. I explained to her anytime you go to that dark place please remember I am here fighting and rooting for you. We still have a lifetime of semicolons to use for our journey in life together.

At that time my daughter did not know that I struggled with the same issue as she did. I use to hide it from her because I had to be strong for her, I had to make sure that she did not take my weakness as a bigger reason to follow through with her thoughts. She has always come before me and my own mental issues.

Fast forward she just turned 17 in July of this year. It’s been a struggle but a struggle that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Like I finally explained to her when she attempted to swallow a bunch of prescribed sleeping pills in April. Because of her is why my story has plenty of semicolons. If it wasn’t for her blessing me as a mom I wouldn’t be here today and neither would her brother or sister. I took it even deeper so she could get my message. If God himself came down and said Linette I can trade your daughter for one with no mental illness a perfect child or you can stay with yours what would you like to do? I would gladly say I am not trading my baby for anyone in this world she is perfect to me it’s because of her I am still alive today. I will gladly go through all the struggles as long as I have my baby by my side.

I don’t know who needed to hear this but I hope it helps in any way possible. Remember we got this!