I’m sitting here getting my transfusion and I realized that I haven’t taken the time to write anything on my page. Life really gave me a run for my money which had me struggling once again with my mental illness and the kids as well. But like always I had to find a way to that light at the end of the darkness no matter what. If not for me then for my kids.
I believe the last time I posted we were living in a motel trying to figure out our next move. At that time we were all mentally suffering and dealing with the bumps on the road that was knocking us down. Needless to say, those bumps became bigger and closer together than we expected. I then found myself struggling to find a family shelter for us. Everywhere we called there was no opening for us. With my daughter’s suicidal issues, I had to be cautious about where we went and how it affected her. This was hard because I had to make sure I kept my sanity at all costs during this time while monitoring both kid’s conditions as well. If that wasn’t hard enough my son ran out of his main medication for his mental illness. It’s not like the road wasn’t difficult enough here comes another bump to make it feel impossible.
The shelter almost broke me mentally. It was slowly breaking my daughter she had started planning her suicide once again. She was so fragile and it was so hard watching her deal with all of it. My son whom I was worried about since he’s main medication ran out was actually holding on. He made me proud since he was trying very hard not to make the experience harder for his older sister and I. The baby who is too little to express her affects of our situation was expressing it by refusing to eat. No matter what I tried she would not eat. She turned down pizza, McDonald’s even her cups of milk went from all day to 3-4 if lucky a day. That’s a big deal since birth milk has been her favorite meal. It didn’t matter if it was my breast milk or formula milk is always her first choice. So when she was refusing milk I knew it was affecting my happy carefree baby in a negative way. The problem was I couldn’t find a way out of there fast.
Being in a new state, had to stop working, no family and no form transportation were all against me big time. I had to find a way to make moves ASAP to save all four of us.
But the point I was trying to make since I got sidetracked is the fact that with everything happening I couldn’t find the strength or focus to write. I’m still sitting here waiting for my transfusion to finish wondering if I would have posted something maybe I could have processed everything better. I almost didn’t make it but by the Grace of God the apartment, we now have came just in time to save us all.