I know life can become hard for anyone and for those without mental illness it can get stressful, but for me, it triggers my depression drastically. I start to feel like a big failure, like nothing that I do is right or that it’s even going to work. This feeling is worse when I can’t do the basics for my children. When I have to pinch every cent just to make sure I can have for their needs. When I can’t miss not one day or hour of work, because I can’t afford to have the money missing from my check.
I find myself drowning in depression. Find myself screaming in my head I’m just one person! How can I stop this downhill that I find myself in? How can I tell the depression that I need it to leave me alone? How can I let it know that failing is not an option for me, that I have to make it no matter what even if it’s just for my children?
Not only do I have to stop myself from falling into the darkness that is yelling my name, but I also have to find a way to stop myself from lashing out to my loved ones around me. It’s so hard to express what the problem is especially when no-one seems to understand or when no one can help because it is my responsibility, not theirs. All I keep thinking and hearing in my head is but I’m just one person.
I just needed to vent and get this off my chest. I refuse to let it get the best of me and I do have to accept the fact that I am just one person but that doesn’t mean that I can’t make it out of the darkness and into the light. I just have to keep on pushing in hopes that I can make it to the lightfast and safe. I refuse to lose and allow the fact that I am just one person stop me from winning!
Parenting with Mental Illness - Mom and Children 