Our Children and Mental Illness

I had to make a very hard decision today during all of this COVID-19 madness. My son who is 11 years old has been showing signs of his medication not working. I tried my best to work around it while having to work full-time. With him being home full-time it has thrown all of his conditions way off. To the point, he has triggered my oldest suicidal thoughts, etc. The baby is even struggling with him as well.

For the safety of everyone, I had to admit my son for the first time into the children’s psych hospital. This decision was very hard. Leaving home with him but it was even harder coming home without him. My baby was scared and worried about his sisters and myself. Oh, how hard it is to entrust strangers to take care of your child while trying to get him the help needed.

I’ve had to do this with my 17 years old twice in her life but I never thought that I would have to place my son in there as well. I get he is growing, I get he is going through puberty but man it still did not make this decision an easy one. I had to fight my anxiety and the desire to break down crying when I had to walk away and watch the door close with my son on the other side. My baby my only son is not sleeping in his bed tonight. Instead, he is sleeping with a stranger for a roommate ugh.

I try to see the good in this situation so I can keep my own conditions at bay. Then my son calls and I’m fighting the tears but when he talks to his sisters mainly right after talking to his baby sister he starts to break down. It was so hard to hear him cry on the other side of that phone. I can’t hold him and dry his tears. All I can do is try to keep it together so that I can continue to motivate him to do what we know is in his best interest.

I hope my baby doesn’t have to stay there long. As long as he follows what he needs to do he should be able to return back him in a week. A whole week without my baby boy is going to be a long week without him.

It’s hard dealing with mental illness as an adult but having to watch your own children struggle with it is very hard. Then during this COVID-19 epidemic, it doesn’t help either it makes one’s conditions that more intensive. I can’t go see my baby we can only talk on the phone. But like I always say we got this no matter what and we will come out even stronger.

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