What is the point?

I’m not even sure I remember why I even created this blog. I know I wasn’t in a good mental headspace at the time I created it. I guess it was meant to be an outlet. I’m honestly not sure since I am not in the same headspace. I’m also not one to communicate with strangers or one to share my business unless I am beyond overwhelmed so I’m not sure what’s the point of me having this blog. I think this is something I may have to figure out on my own somehow.

One thing I do know is that I love being a mother. I don’t like being a single mother but I love being a mom more than anything. My children really are my world and I do this thing called life for them and only them. I just hate the obstacles that I face daily especially because it makes it so hard for me to parent and be an amazing parent at that.

Why complain parenting is hard in general? What makes my situation different from any other parent? Let me reintroduce myself. My name is Linette I just turned 41 this month. I’m bipolar, I suffer from anxiety, PTSD, severe depression and I’m still working on seeing if there is anything else. I struggle on a regular with my issues. It doesn’t help that I’m quick to flip snap etc. I work hard to get and keep my conditions at bay so that I won’t give my children the crazy mama. This is a challenge within itself especially after I realize or notice that I was defeated and have to then backtrack to make sure I do damage control before the struggle kicks in.

It is so draining especially since I have to honestly stop replay the conversation use all of my energy to make right what my condition decided to mess up. This takes a toll on me and leaves me feeling drained. Now it wouldn’t be that bad if that’s all I had to do but it’s not. See the twist in my life is that my 18-year-old daughter is a high functioning autistic, PTSD, bipolar, ADHD, and a few other things. This makes it harder for me to de-escalate the situation. Then my 11-year-old son is also a high functioning autistic as well with ODD, ADHD, impulsivity, and a few others as well. The big challenge is the fact that what I do for one I can’t for the other making it so stressful. It requires me to constantly bite my tongue so I won’t unleash my conditions on them.

All of that makes it so darn hard to parent but I still wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. I have my 2-year old who knock on wood will.be skipped by all of these mental health issues. She’s my one little light that lets the rest of us know that no matter what we will be and are okay. I’m again not sure the point of my blog or even this post lol my brain is always everywhere making me forget so much. But hope you guys understand where I am coming from.

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