It Doesn’t Matter..

Whenever a person I love throws salt on an old emotional wound it makes me feel so rejected. I dislike that feeling so much. All my life I’ve felt like no one wants to see me happy. The moment I have a smile there is a problem. I mean I thought I deserved some love and happiness like the rest of the world. But is the world even listening to my words of pain and sorrow. Does anyone out there in this so-called world understand my need to matter, to be loved, protected, respected, understood but most of all treated as their woman, their better half? Am I asking for too much?

I’ve always wondered is it me? What is it about me that people want to keep for themselves but treat me so badly? The crazy part is half of these people never realized the amount of hurt they caused me in my life. I’m still hurting so bad to this day. I rather a physical scar that heals and the pain becomes a distant memory. Not with an emotional scar that never heals enough for it to officially close. This then forces you to have to relive the pain when someone throws salt on that emotional wound. I mean how much are we expected to take before we feel worthless?

I mean maybe I should give up on what I feel I deserve if no one else in the world seems to agree with me besides my children. But that’s bias since moms always there no matter what so they kinda gotta love me in a way. It’s not good to think or feel this way but those in my life at one point or another assisted in co-signing for the world not agreeing with my view. Crazy how I can uplift others, be a support system, and yet I can’t get the same in return.

I’m tired of fighting to be seen, heard, understood, respected, loved, appreciated, and treated like a queen. I just want to be happy, full of love, and surrounded by those that are not afraid to show the world that they love me for me!

My apologies since my emotions are all over the place. I don’t like feeling rejected by anyone. The feeling of rejection is horrible. All I can do is keep praying and try not to let anything else get the best of me. My children and I deserve to be loved just like everyone else!

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