On My Own….

It is not a good feeling to feel like you are on your own. It’s even a worse feeling when you realize that you are on your own. I was just sitting here smoking some with a friend and the kid’s father just talking. This chronic pain is not my friend tonight. When it dawned on me that I have a phone for what? It barely rings or a text barely comes in.

Granted yes we have no family or friends pretty much but the ones we do have I guess we barely talk to them. I don’t know if it is my fault due to my lack of communication or if it’s on their end. Either way all I do know is the fact that I still feel like I am in this alone. No one seems to understand that I am trying to deal with something major that they can’t see at all. That for some reason they are not taking it seriously.

I mean should I have to point out what should be obvious already? Maybe I am being too sensitive about all of this. I know sometimes my bipolar can kick in and I allow my emotions to take control. Even though I know this at times I can’t control it no matter how hard I try. This can be extremely frustrating and discouraging for me. There is nothing I can do but keep it pushing. At least that is what I try to do every single day. Some days are better than others but I do try.

I am not one to be jealous of anyone’s blessings or accomplishments. I am happy for everyone that’s just the way I am. But I have noticed that those that are blessed are not considerate of those that haven’t been blessed and are struggling. We don’t need a constant reminder of your blessing. We congratulated you and we celebrated with you as well. I understand talking about it or venting but if a problem comes up saying for example “my car”. The friend doesn’t have a car and is struggling financially. This can cause the friend to get upset or feel like they are failing because they can’t seem to make ends meet. Things can be said without it seeming like accomplishments for one are seeming like burdens to those that are taking it for granted.

I sure do hope this makes sense. My brain is in deep thought since it’s high and feeling a certain type of way right now. Had to come and vent it out somewhere. It’s been a while since I wrote a blog so here we are lol. Be blessed!

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