Parenting with Mental Illness – Mom and Children

As a person working on her affirmations every day for the last thirty days, I can say that this right here is no fun at all. I am affirming to get my mind to release itself from the negative prison it was raised in due to my upbringing with my egg donor.

I have worked so hard to get the progress I had seen better, yet I still see just need to build it back up stronger than before. I have worked hard to keep my mind on all positives by affirming, manifesting the law of attraction, and of course, prayer. I can not let these negatives that have found their way into my life win.

It is tough, though, to stay positive when many negative things find their way onto your lap all at once. You are not prepared or expecting all of this negativity to drop itself into your life; you’re caught off guard. What are you to do? Do you let it consume you like in the past? Do you let it win by allowing it to destroy all of the positive work you’ve done? Or do you fight to stay hold of all of the positive changes you have and are going to continue making?

I find these great questions to ask yourself when you find yourself in this situation. It is important to remember that this shall pass and that even if you have to fight, you will make it out. It just depends on how many fights you place behind getting out. If you have to fight dirty, then, hey, fight dirty. But do not let all of the hard work you have done go to waste.

I say all of that to say the universe sometimes has a wicked sense of humor. We have to decide how we will accept the challenge that has been given to us. If falling apart never got us anywhere in the past, then why would we continue to follow down the same footsteps that haven’t given us the results we need or seek?

The affirmations and hard work I have been doing to shift my mind frame from negativity to an upbeat were challenged. This caught me so off guard. I honestly was not expecting any negativity to come my way.

I had expected my daughter’s social security income to arrive, which is how we pay the bills and survive for the month. The keyword is expected since it never came and will not reach until I appeal. I was unaware of this since they decided to ignore the address update and mail it to our old address.

My son’s small payment was deposited, which went on groceries since we had no food, but I wasn’t worried since I still had my daughter’s payment coming, so I thought. After waiting until the 1st of March, I came to find out that my daughter was denied her SSI for adult. They honestly believe her conditions do not qualify her to continue receiving SSI payments.

This is bad for many reasons. The fact that we actually count on that income to survive and it’s no longer there leaves us in a horrible predicament. We have to find payment somehow and somewhere to get just the bare necessities. Beba cannot function like a regular adult out in the real world. She can barely hold on for me when I need her to step up and handle some things. I have to stay on top of her; she gets confused, lost, stuck, etc. I will now have to fight for her benefits to get what she needs. God forbid something happens to me. She will need those benefits to survive; she doesn’t have the ability to work like others, and this is something we already know.

That’s another reason I created the shop and all of our platforms. Once they become monetized, income will come in that will help me make sure my children will be well taken care of during my presence and in my absence. So now I have to not only stress over my own disability claim, but now she’s, as well as if my stress level isn’t high enough as it is, and I am already holding on to my affirmations for dear life at this point.

The first rolls in, and no SNAP or TANIF benefits are deposited into my account. We have no income, our bank accounts negative, and no food in the house. We were down to the PB & J with no bread or crackers, cereal, no milk. I think you guys get the idea of where I am going with this.

It was tough for me to stay positive during all of this and keep all of those negative thoughts away; that is an understatement. When the negative comes. My whole life, it comes and tends to knock me on my behind, or it sets me back, especially when I am doing things to better myself.

I decided that even though these negative things keep coming my way, I will stand with my feet firm on positive ground. It has been forty-two years of complete negativity outward and inward. It is my time to let the universe know that I got this; no matter what it kicks my way, I will continue to throw positive things into the universe so that I can reap in abundance all good things.

I am creating the life that I want, and because of this, I am blessed to live the life of my dreams. I am coming for you. It is mine, and it’s claimed!