Parenting with Mental Illness – Mom and Children

Ever since I can remember, my voice was always being hushed or quieted down by someone. It is okay for others to express themselves with me in any way they please, but the moment I open my mouth to stand up for myself, it is all of a sudden a big problem. It does not matter what I am discussing; there is always a problem somewhere.

For years I decided it was best to just keep on swallowing my feelings, thought, desires, and words in general. I just decided that being whomever I am is apparently a problem for everyone in my world, especially those that claim to love me or care for me. Hmm, I wonder where did all of my self-conscious issues come from? LMBO, I am joking; it is clear that they came from me just being me.

Why do others who have cut me with their words get to express their emotions? It is a problem whenever it is my turn. I have been trying to figure this out for years, and I still do not have legitimate reasoning behind it, except maybe I am more lethal with my words than I think. What else can it be? I refuse to think that others around me are so selfish, which may be another reason.

Can others dislike me so much that my voice must be silenced no matter what the topic is? This just makes a hard road even harder to travel for me. I mean, hello, I suffer from mental health. I am my worst enemy. Trust me when I say my words cut and hurt me more than the words I have heard from many people. But I at least hear myself out like darn I am worth my time, you know.

I sit here writing these blogs, recording the podcast or youtube but is anyone listening to anything I have to say? Or is my voice being silenced by the audience as well, proving that my voice does not count. I mean, really think about it. I write my heart outcry that my family and I need help, but it’s just crickets no matter where I turn. Guess my voice doesn’t exist. The internet is proving it just like the rest of my life!

I have everyone’s back any way that I can. When it comes time to return the favor, no one is around. I may help you realize your life isn’t as bad or that you can push through, but what have you done for me? I am still just as broken, if not worse, since, to me, my voice is still being silenced. The difference is now by a larger audience than those around me. I am being ignored by strangers from oceans away like I am by those that should have my back.

I have been feeling this way for a while just didn’t want to voice it for what, so it can be ignored like everything else I do. These are the raw emotions I place on the table every time I hit record, post, or publish. I guess that the genuine sorry I tell it how I see it person doesn’t deserve a voice like you. Be blessed, and may your voice never be silenced by anyone, including yourself!