A catch-22…

You are probably wondering what she is going to talk about now. I have been thinking a lot, which has helped me realize that I am in a catch-22.

I need to pause for a second to mention that starting at this line is when I returned back to the motel from going to the dealership. To see if I could qualify for one of their vans, I could’ve had the money according to the deposit they wanted in another month when blessed.

Instead, I return to continue writing this blog which I started with the title this time, you guys. I never start with the title; I always write the blog then the title, but I guess I did things differently today for whatever reason. Which happens to go along with my title. To me, that is a little mind-blowing like damn, did I place this catch-22 out there because I was going in a different direction than the way it went down?

Alright, back to why I am using the title “A catch-22.” It requires money to get a place to live and transportation. It takes home or a vehicle for me to create income in our situation. By the house, I mean that I can’t work from home if I am not hard-wired to the internet. At the motel, we are only on wifi, and it is a spotty one that comes and goes. By transportation, I mean I can use Door Dash, Grubhub, or Uber Eats to gain more income. The income I need to raise my income to debt-ratio so I can get approved for a car loan or a place to live.

Now, remember I mentioned I got back from check-in on this dealership that is a pay here. I am unable to get a car, not because of my income to debt-ratio, which is trying to finance at a different location like I did in the past would get me turned down even though my credit is 619 right now since I’ve been working on it for the past few months. My credit was 480 before I started to work on my repairs.

I cannot get that van due to my not having a lease, and they do not allow the cars to be used for food delivery service. By us living in a motel, it disqualifies us automatically unless we find a place to live soon. If we do, I can go back to working from home since I will be hard-wired, letting me work from home without having to deliver food. I would then qualify for the van then. Mind you, this location does not check your credit since they do not care about it.

It would have been a perfect amount I could afford and would give us the freedom we need and are looking for.

How can I not feel like I am in a catch-22 situation, and how can I not let it negatively impact my mental state? It is frustrating when no matter what you are doing or trying to do, things don’t seem to want to line up for you. How can you stay with a positive mind frame?

I don’t have the answers to my questions. I know I can’t stop finding ways to make it back on my feet figuratively and maybe even physically if my legs cooperate. I don’t have the option to stop and dwell on every question I have or that pops up. Not while we are still living in the conditions that trigger us all.

We need some inspiration ourselves. If you have been in a catch-22 before, comment and let us know what and how you got through it, or send a message to lifeasaprentwithmentalillness@gmail.com.


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